Monday, September 14, 2009

Stuff White People Like But This Brown Man Can't Stand #1: The vampire genre

The name of the lead vampire in Twilight is Edward? I thought he was Hemo the Emo Vampire.I've got four words for the vampire genre: less bussing, more dusting.

I'm so tired of the popularity of navel-gazing vampire genre franchises like Twilight, The Vampire Diaries and True Blood, which earns some points for being like an anti-Twilight because of its unabashed naughtiness, but I lost interest in the show after its first season because British-born Stephen Moyer's attempt at a Southern accent is terrible, the black characters are the racial equivalent of the overdone "gay best friend" trend, as a Newsweek writer astutely notes in "I Won't Be Seduced by True Blood," and thirdly, the show is too soapy for my tastes.

The only bloodsucker genre pieces I ever liked were the sharply written first few seasons of the Buffy TV series, its underrated Angel spinoff (the student outdid the master during the latter's underwhelming last two seasons on UPN) and John Carpenter's Vampires, which isn't one of Carpenter's best flicks, but it's redeemed by Sheryl Lee, some amusing genre-mocking dialogue from snarky, homophobic antihero James Woods ("It's not like they're a bunch of fucking fags hopping around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Eurotrash accents, alright? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies.") and a largely unromantic portrayal of vampires.

Otherwise, if I want to watch a 200-year-old pedophile slobber over a hot chick, I'll rent a Woody Allen movie.


  1. I'm glad Angel existed when it did. It would've gotten lost in all the vampire dreck on tv nowadays. Maybe all this newfound vamp interest will inspire an Angel movie. It deserves a better ending than what it got on tv.

    And, I have to admit it... I am halfway through the Twilight books, and I am hooked. I am a 14-year-old girl at heart. But you're spot-on about True Blood. I made an effort to watch, but gave up because all the accents are HORRIBLE. It's like I'm watching a Syfy channel original rather than a quality HBO offering. Bleh.

  2. "It deserves a better ending"

    I thought the Butch and Sundance ending was perfect for the kind of series that Angel was, and it also opened the door for a follow-up, which we eventually got with IDW's current Angel comic book.

  3. "the student outdid the master during the latter's underwhelming last two seasons on UPN"

    The student was kicked out of school after his first two seasons, as far as I'm concerned. (And no, I have no intention of EVER giving Angel another chance - he was crap on the parent show, and he was crap on his own show. End of.)