Wednesday, January 19, 2011

TV math

That line about all Asians enjoying math is bullshit because not all of us enjoy it. I hate math because I've always sucked at it. I barely remember how to do algebra anymore--that's how much I adore math. I took my own difficulties with math and made that trait a part of the backstory of the heroine I created for Secret Identities: The Asian American Superhero Anthology. If us Filipinos were great at math, we wouldn't be making so many damn boneheaded decisions when it comes to money, business or real estate.

I may suck at math, but I'm good at TV math, as you can see from these December 3, 2010 tweets I'm reposting. I got bored on Twitter one morning and started talking in nothing but TV math equations.

LiveLinks commercials haven't been the same since Evangeline Lilly left.
Evangeline Lilly

I'm looking forward to the scene in Mad Men next season where Don cries in the bathtub while Megan's trying to get him to soap her tits. #HotTubTimeMachine
+ @MeganSCDP =

'Um, where do I go for rehab to get that ex-Daily Show correspondent off my back?'
that hot chick in the T-Mobile myTouch 4G commercials
11:07 AM Dec 3rd

Lynn Minmei is the Britney Spears of Macross Island: she looks awesome naked and can dance but isn't really all that great of a singer.

I fucking miss this show.
+ the '90s MTV animated series Downtown

Clerks II has forever ruined Samantha Fox's 'Naughty Girls (Need Love Too).' And the animated donkey from Hee Haw.
+ (the Clerks franchise minus the bestiality) =

I also fucking miss this show.
the much-missed Megas XLR
11:15 AM Dec 3rd

He's also available to do lion puppet shows at your kid's birthday party.

Cheerocracy in action.
+ Bring It On

'Don't worry about me. I'm fine. My acting career will recover only slightly after this.'
+ (The Powers of Matthew Star minus the sight of Louis Gossett Jr. slumming it) =

I like reading the Cartoon Brew and Super Punch blogs, but their bloggers' recent 'Won't anyone think of the children?' attitude towards Kimmy's bootydancing sequence in Sym-Bionic Titan really fucking annoys me.
Sym-Bionic Titan
11:18 AM Dec 3rd

(28 Days Later minus fast zombies) + slow zombies + all the bickering scenes from Lost = AMC's adaptation of The Walking Dead
11:08 AM Dec 3rd

Early '90s-era Usher + the baritone of a teenage Wayne Newton + awful songwriting + Linda Evangelista's hair = Justin Bieber
11:09 AM Dec 3rd

Kelly Brook boobage + MTV Spring Break coverage reimagined by a Gorezone reader + (Jerry O'Connell minus his dick) = Piranha 3D #FilmMath
11:11 AM Dec 3rd

(The live-action Scooby-Doo minus the Scooby cast) + the Yogi cast + Hanna or Barbera spinning in his grave = that Yogi Bear movie #FilmMath
11:13 AM Dec 3rd

(Northern Exposure minus almost all the Indians) + the intellect of a bag of hammers + a train wreck = Sarah Palin's Alaska on TLC
11:20 AM Dec 3rd

1 comment:

  1. come and like the new fb fan page just want ppl to remember how slick downtown was and to never forget. it was way b 4 its time